Albert Bandura
Observational learning
Children become what they repeatedly watch. You are the curriculum, including the parts you did not plan to teach.
Principles
- Attention, retention, reproduction, motivation — the four steps of imitation
- Warm, competent, similar models are copied most
- What you do after you fail teaches more than what you do when you succeed
- Peers and media are models too. Curate them on purpose
How
Show the skill in real time
Narrate your repair: 'I spilled. I'm frustrated. I'm breathing. Now I'm wiping.' They need the whole film, not the highlight reel.
Put the child next to a slightly-better peer
Vygotsky plus Bandura: a child one step ahead is a more believable model than a flawless adult.
Audit the feeds
If they watch unkindness as entertainment, they rehearse it. Choose shows where repair happens, not only punchlines.
What to say
You lost your temper
Try: I raised my voice. That didn't help. I'm sorry. Next time I will take a pause. You didn't cause my weather.
Avoid: If you hadn't done that I wouldn't have yelled.
They copy a rude phrase from a video
Try: That line hurts people. In this house we don't use it. Let's find a funnier line that doesn't punch down.
Avoid: That's hilarious — don't say it at school though.