Adler / Dreikurs / Nelsen tradition
Positive discipline
Clear limits, real respect, teaching instead of punishing — firm and kind in the same sentence.
Principles
- Belonging and significance are the hidden goals of most misbehavior
- Connection before correction
- Natural and logical consequences over arbitrary punishment
- Kids help make the rules they are expected to keep
How
Name the limit and the feeling together
You can be furious. You may not throw the truck. I'll stay with you until your body is ready for the next thing.
Use consequences that teach the thing
If they refuse a coat and it is safe enough, they feel cold — then you have a conversation, not a lecture. If it is not safe, you decide, kindly, and they can be angry.
Repair is the advanced class
After the storm: What happened? What were you hoping for? What can we do for the person who got hurt? Then practice the redo.
What to say
They won't wear the coat
Try: You can wear the coat or carry it. Those are the two ways we go outside.
Avoid: Because I said so. Don't argue with me.
They hit a sibling
Try: I won't let you hurt. I'm moving your body. We use hands for building and helping. When you are ready we will check on your sister.
Avoid: Hitting them back so they know how it feels.