Co-regulation research; emotion coaching
Guided emotional expression
Feelings are information. We lend children the words and the nervous system they do not yet have.
Principles
- Name it to tame it — language is a regulator
- The adult's calm is the child's first brake pedal
- All feelings allowed; some actions are not
- Comfort during the storm teaches that feelings are survivable
How
Narrate the inner weather
You seem frustrated. I can see you're sad. Your fists are tight — that can be angry. You are not telling them what to feel. You are offering a map.
Keep the body safe, then stay
Move the hitting hand. Sit near. Do not stack a lecture on a flooded brain. Teaching happens on the way down, not at the peak.
Practice when the sky is clear
Books, faces, and 'how do you think she feels?' in calm moments. You cannot introduce vocabulary in a hurricane.
What to say
Toddler meltdown in public
Try: You're so disappointed we have to leave. I'm here. We can go to the car and feel this.
Avoid: You're embarrassing me. Stop it or no park ever again.
They say 'I hate you'
Try: You're very angry with me. I can take that. I still won't let you throw the truck. I love you.
Avoid: Don't you ever speak to me that way.