Harvard Center on the Developing Child
Serve-and-return
They serve a sound, a look, a point. You return it. That rally is the architecture of language and attachment.
Principles
- Notice the serve — a coo, a point, a glance
- Return with matching energy, then a little language
- Wait. The pause is where they learn conversation is two-way
- You cannot spoil a baby by answering them
How
Make it a rally, not a monologue
Coo back. Raise your eyebrows. Pause. If they go again, you go again. Five turns is a feast.
Put words on their point
They point at the fan. 'Fan. The fan is spinning. Woo.' You are not quizzing. You are captioning their attention.
Protect face time
Phones steal the return. Park the screen in another room for the feeding, the bath, the walk. Faces are the original curriculum.
What to say
Babbling at you
Try: Ba-ba? Yes! Ba-ba-ba. You have so much to tell me.
Avoid: Quiet down. That's just noise.
They hand you a crumb
Try: A gift. Thank you. You found a crumb. I'm putting it here.
Avoid: I don't want that. It's dirty.