In the room
'No' and 'Me do it'
Autonomy arriving on schedule, wearing work boots.
What is actually happening
Erikson's autonomy vs. shame. Doing it themselves — badly, slowly — is the assignment. If you take over, you get efficiency and a smaller self. If you shame the attempt, you get a child who stops offering.
Do
- Build in extra minutes for them to try
- Prepare the task: a small pitcher, a stool, a coat on the floor in a 'coat flip'
- Two choices, both acceptable
Don't
- 'You're too slow / you'll mess it up / let me or we'll be late' as a lifestyle
What to say
- You can put the shoes on. I'll start the left one; you do the right.
- You didn't want help. I'll wait here.
The scaffold
Hand-over-hand → fingertip → 'you go.' Name the fade.